Top 10: Awful Band Names

No one ever said it was easy. Not only does the name have to be original, but it also has to try to convey what kind of music you play and, better yet, intrigue people who have never heard of you to pick up your CD. That being said, just because it’s a difficult process doesn’t mean that anything goes.

So yesterday I was trying to figure out which album to feature as the CD you should check out for New Music Tuesday. And let me tell you, all I could think of was why would you name a band "Holy Fuck?"

Now keep in mind I like their music, and I have no problems with profanity (in music, TV, anything really), but why Holy Fuck? Automatically, you can't really advertise any of your stuff on the radio, TV, magazines, etc. because of profanity, let alone get your music played in a bunch of different situations. I mean I guess they could say "Holy Eff," but what's the point really?

The true problem is that a band can have good music, and then people just can't get past the bad band name. Both parties lose. It really got me thinking about bad band names.

As such, here's my Top 10 List of Really Awful Band Names:

10 MGMT

MGMT itself isn't a bad band name, but here's the problem with it: hipsters. Hipsters get snooty and can ruin anything. Today some people pronounce MGMT as em-gee-em-tee and some people say "management" (think MSTRKRFT - they were just missing the vowels). And then every once in a while you get that jerk who goes, "Um NO ACTUALLY, they USED to be called Management but now they're called Em Gee Em Tee because the old name conflicted with another band's name, so there! I knew them way back then, BEFORE they were cool." It makes me sad on the inside.

09 The The

You're listening to this and a friend goes, "What is this?" Your response? "The The." Their response - "The what" (They assume that you have a stutter.) You'd be playing who's on first for at least 20 minutes. Plus there's just no imagination really.

08 Holy Fuck

As already stated, it's just a bad idea to have a swear in your name, and I honestly think it limits you in too many ways.

07 You Say Party! We Say Die!

Only made worse by the fact that the drummer for this band did in fact just die. Too soon to make a bad joke? Yeah, too soon.

06 Say Hi To Your Mom

This takes your mom jokes to a whole new level of embarrassing. How many times do you think someone said "No, you say hi to YOUR mom?" Recently the band has changed their name to simply Say Hi, but we will forever know their mistake. It's a shame, especially since they're in my top artists at Last.fm. It's actually good music!

05 Natalie Portman's Shaved Head

Listen, I can appreciate Natalie Portman just as anyone else (and to be honest she's one of the few people who can actually pull off a shaved head), but no. If you’re not a fan of bright colors and are prone to epileptic seizures I also recommend avoiding the Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head’s MySpace page. You're forewarned - Myspace page not safe for those susceptible to seizures.

04 !!!

You're probably wondering how to say this band's name. In the movie The Gods Must Be Crazy, the clicks in the Bushmen's native language were represented with exclamation marks in the subtitles. The band thought that was cool, apparently, and named themselves three clicks. And that's all it is. !!! can be said by clicking your tongue three time or by simply saying chk-chk-chk (aka chick chick chick). See, I just confused you even more...

03 Butthole Surfers

It sounds like some four year old's attempt at raw toilet humor, which doesn't please anyone who isn't, well, a four year old. You say, "Hey Dad! Can I have $50 to go see a cool band?" He asks, "What concert are you going to go see?" At that point you can forget getting the money, let alone the approval to go to the show. Even your parents will judge you (and who can blame them, really?)

02 Shitdisco

Last year when I was bored during finals and needed a study break I came across this music video. I actually really enjoyed both the video and the music, and then I found out the band name and kind of stopped listening. Imagine if that comes up on iTunes shuffle and someone really likes the song. "Who is this? I like it!" *beat* "Shitdisco..."

01 Test Icicles

Do I even need to describe why this is an awful band name (or an amazing one, if you're a 12 year old boy)? The band even came up with some excuse that their name was really about cavemen testing icicles so they wouldn't fall through and die. Whatever, no one is buying that. They clearly just named their band after balls, and that has to be worse than any nonsense words, pop culture references, misspellings, and references to poop that somehow end up in a a band name.

And there you have it, but those are just my two cents. Whatever, I'm naming my band Sonic Death Monkey.

Feel free to leave more awful band names in the comments section!